11.27.2009

this soil is frozen, no new roots til spring

This past week or month or season has been a cupful of horrible gut-wrenching youre-definitely-not-good-enoughs and here and there wonderful things ive never experienced. I got accused at work of taking or losing two checks (guilty until proven innocent?) I am the last person there that would ever do such a thing!

I sat in the managers office and gulped back my saliva like I was on death row. Why do I feel guilty when I am suspected of something? Even when I know deep down I did nothing wrong -- I still wonder, did i? I know I didnt. Someone stole one of the two knit caps that I had been trying on and debating on whether to purchase with my next paycheck. They think I stole it. (Actually, I think someone did this on purpose to me). Either way, I did some soul searching and drunk wine nights and eventually gave my two weeks notice in a small, shameful letter toady. He called my cell and told me they wouldnt need me those last two weeks.

I am not ashamed, I am ashamed.

Tonight we go to another persons house for another thanksgiving meal -- fifty of them wouldnt make up for missing our family this season. (How I dream of flying home).

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